Memoria Arts~ Life in the Making

So long, 2007!

Here is New Year's Eve, all ready and dressed in his finest. Guess I can't keep him waiting at the door too long. I will tarry a bit and glance back in the mirror, so to speak. What a year this has been! 2007 is a year I won't forget very soon...it seems one of those seminal years in that so many things in my life have changed. Where I was at the beginning of this year seems to be nearly a 180 degrees from where I am now that it almost seems strange. Some of it was external change, but mostly it's been an internal change of heart. It's kind of hard to explain. It's almost like getting a new pair of heart glasses- everything seems a lot clearer in my mind than the fuzziness of a year ago. I think some of it has to do in part with my divided life that I talked about a way back in July. I would extend the lesson I have learned from it even more; I've realized I can't live my life by labels either. As in, "ok, right now I am a mom, but in a few hours I need to be an artist, and  then after that a business manager" or what have you...that I must 'measure up' to all these labels is ludicrous. Because, although all of those things may describe things I do, they do not describe who I am. Trying to keep all those aspects of me in neat little boxes is never going to work. I have been so inflexible with myself in this that I am laughing at myself, because the opposite is true. Life is messy. Inherently so. And if that is true, why do I then expect nothing but perfection of myself? So this year has been a journey away from that inflexible paradigm: letting go, taking a breath, cherishing moments, attempting to stop the navel-gazing (which is so very hard!), and focusing outward instead. I'm not sure that I accomplished all that I set out to do, to be honest, but I do feel so much more at peace. More genuinely myself.

So what do I want for next year? More of the same, odd as that sounds. I know that making specific goals ("lose 20 pounds") is dangerous for me, as I will get caught up in the perfection I am not achieving and lose the whole point("living a healthier life") and give up in a haze of perceived failure. To borrow from another blog post, if there is anything I want in the new year, it is to continue on a path towards an authentic life, an integrated life, undivided. A reflection of my Creator. I hope it isn't too much to ask for.

Speaking of time and how fast it flies, Ann has a thoughtful note that reminded me to mark time in a different way.

A new year approaches...

Whew! What a whirlwind of a holiday. You wait all year for it and then...whoosh...off it goes again.  I feel like there is never enough time. I always seem to find myself a bit melancholy afterwards- perhaps it is because I am growing older, as are my loved ones. I felt keenly that this Christmas could very well be the last Christmas I celebrated with either of my grandparents, who are getting on in years. I felt the pain of a broken relationship that seems to be unfixable. There was also joy: time spent with my mother and sister, blessed by their gifts of time spent doing the things I do everyday, cleaning and cooking and giving me a wonderful break from the toddler duties. My mom made Christmas dinner from start to finish. (So yummy!) And then there was the celebration itself. Watching the kids enter in to an integral part of our family traditions was just amazing. Fun. Just so much fun. They truly know the delight and wonder of Christmas. It just makes me giggle to think about it now. And the gifts! We still haven't gotten to quite all of them, we were so blessed! I think my favorite was a whole bag of scrapbooking goodies my mom gave me, in my favorite colors no less.  I can't wait to dig into them. Speaking of which, I actually had a chance to make a layout, start to finish. Love how it turned out...all the stuff was from the Jenni Bowlin December kit, and it was so yummy and full of gorgeous texture that I knew just the picture I wanted to use. Yeah, I am getting bit by that scrapping bug again. And I ought to, because there is a whole half of a years worth of pictures left undocumented, and next year is upon me. Where in the world does the time go?

How time flies...

It is so very hard to believe this little guy just turned four! (On Monday) What happened? There's a rocket boy where my little "Zay Zay" used to be...Right now, he loves all things John Deere (witness the faded out shirt) and building. He's learned so much this year. Changed so much. Wow.  I kinda get a little teary-eyed when I think about it.

But that's the stuff for a much longer post.

If I am not back, I wish all of you and yours a sweet and blessed Merry Christmas. May God grant you peace and joy!

Little gifts...

Oh what a very trying week this has been! It started last Thursday, when someone rear-ended the van while texting on her cell phone. (Yes, texting...I can barely dial a number without driving off the road, so I have no idea how people can even drive doing that!) It started a hiccup in what was a semi-normal week that seemed to mushroom into a tangle of crisis inducing knots. James got a wicked case of whiplash because he was sitting at a stop sign and observing traffic flow to his left; meaning that his neck not only got swung forward, but also torqued. Ouch! Both incidents meant that we would have to take multiple trips to Bristol, for chiropractic adjustments and for dealing with insurance companies, which means a 45 minute drive from our house. Not fun, and a killer on the gas mileage. This uber-distracted gal couldn't have picked a worse week to cause an accident- as it is the second to last week before Christmas which is 1) statistically the busiest week of the Christmas retail season and some of James' longest shifts and 2) Finals. Not fun with migraines, at all! But he has persevered through. Yet, to add insult to injury (literally)...the van was hit for a second time this Thursday. In the Chick-fil-a parking lot. The super busy, cars wrapped around the building and down the road, parking lot on a cliff Chick-fil-a parking lot. The non-stop traffic around the Chick-fil-a is legendary here in town. Everyone knows just how busy it is at lunch time, so when I tell them what happened, they are incredulous. A man attempted to pull his trailer into the parking lot and, worse, tried to park it. Frankly, a Smart car would have slim pickings at lunch hour here. Worse still, he managed to rip off the entire left side and wheel well of my bumper because, get this, he "wasn't paying attention" (his words, not mine). Here I am, with my three younger ones  eating inside the restaurant (James had already walked back to work across the street)...and this guy does this. On a rainy day, no less.

Which leads me to the first gift: a Christian company whose concern is primarily for their customers. The manager hears of the accident, and goes all out for me, helping me to get everything I needed, calling the police, and even holding David and keeping an eye on Lorelei and Isaiah while I deal with things.

When I get home, the second gift, a $100 in the mail from a friend...which was exactly the difference in gas and budget. Whew!

Third, the guy's insurance company calls and tells me that not only will my van be fixed by Monday, we will also have a van rental for the duration.

BUT...the next morning calls and says that since the van is "drivable" (which is debatable, if driving with a bumper half hanging off and utterly incapable of protecting the car in the case of another rear end accident is "safe") they will not approve the rental until the car is actually in the shop (Monday). We had already taken the van to the shop in Bristol, and picked up the rental on the way. The rental place is right near our home.  We must return the rental by noon Friday or be charged $75 by Enterprise.

Thankfully, we had left James' car at Ben's school the night before due to logistics. We were able to quickly run by and get it, swap car seats (since we only had the younger three at the time), take it by Enterprise, and still get James to work on time.

The third gift: Ben's teacher offers to bring him home to me, so that I do not have to unsafely transport him home in James' car (which only fits 3 car seats).

James came home with the fourth gift: a $50 dollar gift certificate to Carrabbas. Now the story here is that we are desperately in need of a date night, but we are also desperately broke. We were praying about it, talking about something we could do on the cheap once my family gets here for a bit of babysitting duty. I laughed out loud at God's amazing answer: a real, really real, date. For free! It was given to him by a co-worker deeply appreciative of some computer work James had done for him a long time back, so James was totally surprised when the co-worker handed it to him.

So although I have been stuck at home this entire weekend due to James' having the car, I had already done all the grocery shopping, had plenty of diapers and wipes, and it's been raining, so all of our outdoor plans would have been scrapped anyways.

And the last gift? James is done. He just finished his last paper, and his hours at work next week are much more reasonable, so he will finally be able to rest. So proud of him for persevering through an incredibly long, incredibly stressful week. We get Daddy back- all of him, mind and body. Yay!

What simple gifts, but what amazing blessings.

The weather is wacky. I am just saying.

It is hard to believe all the stories about ice storms and more than 4 ft of snow here. Really hard. It has been 65 to 70 degrees the last three days! Not that I am complaining. My perfect world would be about that temperature all year round, with snow and mountains about an hour one way and a beach and pool the other direction.  We escaped over to the park for a bit the other day, and I took the camera along. Perfect lighting and a chance to fiddle with settings- my kind of a play date. Heee! I love the picture of Lorelei...it's my new favorite of her. And can you believe Ben's knees? Is that an iconic picture of childhood, or what?

A quiet preparation...

I'm sorry if it has been a bit quiet here...it's actually been a bit on purpose. Two things, seemingly unrelated, got me to thinking about Christmas within my own heart. There is both an outward and inward act of celebration- if we choose to do so.  I think it is quite easy to dwell and focus on the brighter aspects of this merry holiday because it is so much fun and so pretty. Yet, there still is that Silent Night. What does that mean? What does it look like? These are the questions that I have been asking myself. Anna of Pleasant View Schoolhouse posted just a small little note about scrubbing the house clean for Advent, an outward sign of preparation. It struck me because I think of preparing for Advent often in terms of decorating: the tree, the wreath, the Nativity...but not really in any other term.  And Anne at Holy Experience has been doing a bit of a series on preparing for Advent as well. These two ladies' thoughts have been in the back of my mind as we approached the first few days of Advent.  I've realized that I've been in need of a deep heart cleaning. The older I get as a follower, the more I realize that I need to spend times when I take a step back and just dwell with the Emmanuel, Who is with me. The Beloved One, whom I often spend so little time with. Sure, I have my snippets of conversation in the midst of a blindingly quotidian day stuffed full of toddlers and laundry. But there are times that I need, nay, I must be in His presence.  This is not easy. Yet I feel as if I need to take some time to sit, and really look at this last year. Clean out the cobwebs, 'fess up to the mistakes,  ask the Great Physician to heal the hurts...so that I am ready. In some ways, this inner Advent dovetails nicely with the turning of the year and the chance to begin anew. I've never actually thought of Christmas as an introspective time,  but my perspective is changing- perhaps due to a quiet search for peace. I had nearly gotten to the point in late November that I was actually dreading the holiday season, and that thought really bothered me. ( Seriously? I am usually so crazy about Christmas that you can find me listening to carols in the middle of summer.) I knew that something was wrong, and I began to pray about it, really question what was bothering me. And God quietly answered back..."Come and see. Come on a journey to a little town, on a hill, and see what it is really all about...pay attention." So that, in my broken way, is what I have been trying to do these last few weeks...a quiet focus on the Gift-giver, and the Gift. Just trying to be quiet, trying to dwell in the "silent night" as much as is possible even with caring for the children and tending the house. Next week, the merry making will begin, and for the first time in forever, I feel ready. It's almost like having a brand new party dress, but in the spiritual sense...if that makes any sense. In short...I want to live up to the legacy of my name: Joy Noel, which together means "Christ's celebration". And you can't do that with a dirty dress!

255 exposures later...

The best shot:

The other 2oo-odd shots:

Phew.
Why shell out way too much money when you can torture (*ahem* photograph) your children at home?

The Gift

The Advent season has begun! I think it's funny how I anticipate a season of anticipation. Of waiting. Yet that is exactly what Advent is- awaiting the celebration of the birth of Christ. The older I get, the more meaningful the practice of Advent has become to me. In a season of hustle and rush, of anger and fighting...where the traffic just to my son's school (which runs past retail areas) is so tangled and worrisome and people honk and holler with angry faces and words...of selfish wants and desires (If I don't get that Wii...) , Advent calls us to stop. To remember. To treasure. To praise. To be grateful. To focus. On Him! The Gift! The only Gift that matters. The reason we give gifts is to remember the Gift, but we have forgotten. To give is of Love:

For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)

So Advent calls us to be quiet, to treasure the deep silence, the hush and glory of Christmas. We light the candle, and hearts expand; we read the ancient Words of peace, and we breathe deep the Truth. He, the LORD, the Gift, He is here. With us. Emmanuel. God with us! Us! Dirty, bedraggled, tired, confused, broken us. He is here. He came here. To give us life. How amazing is that?

This year, we are using Immanuel: Praying the Names of God Through the Christmas Season by Ann Spangler. It's wonderful- but kind of over the kid's heads. I have ordered A Glorious Coming by Anne Voskamp, and we'll start it tomorrow. It is a Jesse Tree celebration, with ornaments to make (you can see samples here) and hang. I think it will help the kids to see Advent a bit better. Anne  also has a number of wonderful and inspiring posts regarding Advent at Holy Experience.

If you are interested in more information about the history of Advent and readings , Lindsey at Enjoy the Journey has a great Advent blog with a ton of resources- check out the archives. (She isn't updating it this year, but she also links to some other great places that are this year). You can see it here: Advent for Evangelicals.

(The wreath is from Abbey Press).

O Come O Come Emmanuel

O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.