I've been musing out loud about discipline lately, because the lessons I've been learning about it surprise me. I spent a lot of time mired in legalism, and discipline was a very ugly word to me. I cringed deeply hearing it. The problem was heart level...I wasn't doing things out of a genuine desire to do the right thing, but rather, out of fear- that some great and mighty mean God would strike me with a thunderbolt if I didn't. In a way, I've been writing it out here to keep my self accountable to the lessons I've learned. I find myself amazed at how deeply my heart has changed and how things appear so differently to me. I feel blessed in that...a second chance at this journey, so to speak, for the right reasons instead of out of fear. The analogy of learning to walk again is an apt one.
The most painfully obvious weed that has been creeping in my garden has definitely been laziness.
I think our culture (even within Christian circles) has really made this a sneaky, deeply rooted weed, at least in my life. There is "convenience" everywhere we look, from fast food to instant meals, to instant coffee...we don't have to grow or deal with our own food because (so long as we have the money) we can buy it, and what's even worse, we can buy it pre-chopped, pre-cooked, whatever. [Just to keep with the gardening theme, but there are a bazillion other examples you can probably think of.] We are used to having everything right now, and waiting doesn't come easy to us. And worse, we don't really have to "work" for any of it. So what if we don't have the cash in the bank? Just use a credit card! The consequences (at least until very recently) weren't obvious. As many of us have quickly learned as the recession hits deep and hard, we seriously lack the skills, the ability to ‘work’, that we desperately need. I do not say this as an excuse for my own weeds, though. Part of walking with God is the miracle of the Lord giving us 'eyes to see' things as they really are, and boy oh boy, is this a biggie that I am acutely aware of now! I can see Satan coming a mile off now, as it were, when it comes to cultural attacks that entice me to laziness.
In my personal situation, what has this looked like?
I am pretty organized. One of the most popular and most linked posts on my blog is this one about how I keep "chaos straight" and it's companion about my "brain". The ridiculous reality is that for the longest time, I was not diligent or consistent with anything. On the surface, I probably appeared to have it all together, know who was going where, what meal was for dinner, etc. The reality is that it may have happened one day out of ten. Systems are great and wonderful tools, if you use them consistently. And, I think, there is a perception (I certainly was in this camp) that to use systems and tools like meal plans, schedules, and budgets is to answer to a slave-driver of sorts. The opposite, in fact, is true- using tools like these mean that you are in control of the food, the time, and the money, not the other way around.
The deepest heart change for me in this area has been in the money arena. It was interesting to watch the economy tank in September; about six months after our own personal economy had gone into recession. I knew, acutely, the pain that many Americans were suddenly going to face in this area, because I was already living it. We, like many Americans, made enough to 'make it' without really paying close attention to just where, exactly, our money was going. Oh, we had a budget (quite laughable now, really) and bills were paid on time. But we didn't really know, and really didn't care, where the rest of it went. And worse, if we didn't have the money, there was always a credit card. James was laid off, and the rest is history. I profoundly understand that this is our own fault. I cannot place blame on the government, other people, the media, whatever. Money is money is money. It requires careful stewardship and care, and the Bible has gone to great lengths to advise every believer on how to deal with it. James and I cannot claim ignorance. It is there in black and white if we'd only have heeded the instruction. It was sheer laziness, and the failure to save and steward wisely, that got us into our own mess.
It has been one of the most painful lessons to learn. I am deeply thankful for frugal bloggers like Amy (Like Merchant Ships) and others who have freely and willingly shared their knowledge of stewardship and frugality for years, because their archives are now rich treasure troves of suggestions and help. And I think it is their just reward and the fruit of their labor that not only are they doing okay, they are able to help others out in ways poor fools like me cannot right now. (Yes, I said fool, and I meant it. Hopefully, I am on the road to reformed frugal fool now.) Proverbs says "Go to the ant thou sluggard, consider his ways and be wise". Amy=ant. Me=sluggard. We have carefully been working towards a zero-balance budget (ala Ramsey. Simple Mom has a great run down of what this is). We have committed to never using credit again, and getting out of debt. To save. To get our budget in balance. Much of this has required seeking wisdom that we plain ole didn't have. It has been a humbling experience. (Like for example, what are the average percentages of things that should be present in your budget, before you are overstretching and setting yourself up for financial roadblocks and accidents? The right amount of money needed to keep the car maintained, without resorting to credit cards, etc. Hadn’t a clue!). The bottom line lesson I've learned here? Money is active. I cannot lazily expect it to do what I want to do- I have to actively, consistently, and diligently care for it in the ways the Lord has taught me to do through His Word.
It’s true for many other areas of my life- mothering in particular. I realized that I had to be actively, prayerfully, and gracefully invested in every hour of my children’s days- a realization that I fought against for some time. But now, I am at peace. It is a discipline of early mornings allotted to prayer and study, and time enough to make breakfast instead of a haphazard free-for-all that it used to be. It is lowering my voice, speaking in whispers instead of yelling. It’s a discipline of taking careful time to disciple, love, and encourage instead of demanding, bossing, and huffing around at their inability to do anything right. It’s laying down self. I used to resent this. I no longer do- it is such a short time of life that I am called to be mama to these little ones. All too soon they will be taking flight.
In my personal situation, what has this looked like?
I am pretty organized. One of the most popular and most linked posts on my blog is this one about how I keep "chaos straight" and it's companion about my "brain". The ridiculous reality is that for the longest time, I was not diligent or consistent with anything. On the surface, I probably appeared to have it all together, know who was going where, what meal was for dinner, etc. The reality is that it may have happened one day out of ten. Systems are great and wonderful tools, if you use them consistently. And, I think, there is a perception (I certainly was in this camp) that to use systems and tools like meal plans, schedules, and budgets is to answer to a slave-driver of sorts. The opposite, in fact, is true- using tools like these mean that you are in control of the food, the time, and the money, not the other way around.
The deepest heart change for me in this area has been in the money arena. It was interesting to watch the economy tank in September; about six months after our own personal economy had gone into recession. I knew, acutely, the pain that many Americans were suddenly going to face in this area, because I was already living it. We, like many Americans, made enough to 'make it' without really paying close attention to just where, exactly, our money was going. Oh, we had a budget (quite laughable now, really) and bills were paid on time. But we didn't really know, and really didn't care, where the rest of it went. And worse, if we didn't have the money, there was always a credit card. James was laid off, and the rest is history. I profoundly understand that this is our own fault. I cannot place blame on the government, other people, the media, whatever. Money is money is money. It requires careful stewardship and care, and the Bible has gone to great lengths to advise every believer on how to deal with it. James and I cannot claim ignorance. It is there in black and white if we'd only have heeded the instruction. It was sheer laziness, and the failure to save and steward wisely, that got us into our own mess.
It has been one of the most painful lessons to learn. I am deeply thankful for frugal bloggers like Amy (Like Merchant Ships) and others who have freely and willingly shared their knowledge of stewardship and frugality for years, because their archives are now rich treasure troves of suggestions and help. And I think it is their just reward and the fruit of their labor that not only are they doing okay, they are able to help others out in ways poor fools like me cannot right now. (Yes, I said fool, and I meant it. Hopefully, I am on the road to reformed frugal fool now.) Proverbs says "Go to the ant thou sluggard, consider his ways and be wise". Amy=ant. Me=sluggard. We have carefully been working towards a zero-balance budget (ala Ramsey. Simple Mom has a great run down of what this is). We have committed to never using credit again, and getting out of debt. To save. To get our budget in balance. Much of this has required seeking wisdom that we plain ole didn't have. It has been a humbling experience. (Like for example, what are the average percentages of things that should be present in your budget, before you are overstretching and setting yourself up for financial roadblocks and accidents? The right amount of money needed to keep the car maintained, without resorting to credit cards, etc. Hadn’t a clue!). The bottom line lesson I've learned here? Money is active. I cannot lazily expect it to do what I want to do- I have to actively, consistently, and diligently care for it in the ways the Lord has taught me to do through His Word.
It’s true for many other areas of my life- mothering in particular. I realized that I had to be actively, prayerfully, and gracefully invested in every hour of my children’s days- a realization that I fought against for some time. But now, I am at peace. It is a discipline of early mornings allotted to prayer and study, and time enough to make breakfast instead of a haphazard free-for-all that it used to be. It is lowering my voice, speaking in whispers instead of yelling. It’s a discipline of taking careful time to disciple, love, and encourage instead of demanding, bossing, and huffing around at their inability to do anything right. It’s laying down self. I used to resent this. I no longer do- it is such a short time of life that I am called to be mama to these little ones. All too soon they will be taking flight.
Tommorrow, an examination of immaturity...or is that pride? or inconsistency? It's kind of hard to nail down. *weak smile*
Oh, thank you for sharing this! I have been wrestling with the same things you mentioned at the last part of your post- being heartily invested in every hour of our children's lives...the daily working-out of which takes such perseverence. I just came here from Ann's, and can't wait to browse your archives!
Posted by: Tracy | March 31, 2009 at 01:44 AM
Your post goes great with my morning devotion - thank you. I don't think any of us get serious about budgeting until having made the mistakes you've referred to. BTW, the circles do not bother me now! When I first saw the new page, I think I was looking at everything, including the circles.Now I can ignore them and they're not jumping out at me!
Posted by: Rachel Pearson | April 01, 2009 at 07:50 AM