Memoria Arts~ Life in the Making

Here and there...

I'm here.

And yet there.

So crazy, these last days. I blink and six days go by.

What would I do without my dear friends in the online world?

So here I am....

Would you pray for me, if I come to mind? I am struggling to balance many things, and just wanting to do God's will in whatever circumstance faces me. I am really discouraged right now. It's hard to explain. Pray that I have clarity.

And too, will you pray for her?

And praise with me about this?

And encourage this dear one?

Thanks. Love to all of you.

ETA: Please pray for my Aunt. A few minutes after posting this, I got news that her recent surgery, while successfully removing parts of her diseased colon due to Celiacs, also found cancer. Don't know all the details exactly. I'll update when we know more.

To see and know...

I never would have thought it would draw to an end like this.

It marks a year, my little scribbling here today. A year since the world turned upside down and right side up and back again.

As I cuddle close Josiah, another baby rests near in my thoughts, cradled in my heart. We said goodbye just as we began to be aware of each other, and it happened so fast.

A year ago, I nearly died.

Three short weeks after that happened, my husband lost his job.

Had you asked me in those intervening days if I had thought we would be here today, I probably would have looked at you askance. I knew in my heart that God was in control, but I remember how dark and scary the way seemed.

Now I look back as I watch this year draw to a close and I see.

Miracles shine like dew drops along the path near the footsteps of the One who carried me through. Grace after grace, mercy after mercy, provision upon provision. In the face of grave uncertainty, every need has been answered and provided for. Every time we thought we were coming to the bottom, our jar was filled again.  I think of all the people along the way too, the ones who loved us, the ones who prayed, the ones who gave of their hearts in our time of need, and continue to bear our burdens with us...I stand amazed.

The blessing journal stands full of stories from this year, too many to count.

...Of health regained

...Of a heart turned towards Home

...Of the miracle of life

In the face of a messy economy and countless other trials, we never went hungry. We never lost our house. We never lost our joy. I watched others I knew lose everything, but we did not. Grace upon grace! I would never have thought that it would be twelve long months of fruitless searches as my husband tried to find a job, that even the gas stations and fast food places and retail stores would close in rapid succession like dominoes. And that he is searching still. I never would have imagined after the horror and loss of last August that I would be holding the most amazing miracle of a baby, counting his fingers and toes and kissing his sweet skin.

And here I stand at the close. What will the next twelve months, fifty two weeks, three hundred and sixty five days, bring?

All I know is this.

My God? He can do anything. He is in control. And I am His. That is all that matters. The rest is grace.

Interupting the new dress admiring for a second...*ETA* TO SHOUT TO THE MOUNTAINTOPS!

One of my dear friends, Beka...
She has lost three babies to miscarriage, each of them deeply loved, deeply prayed over. I rejoiced this morning to find that new life has blessed their house, but it appears there might be some issues. She has been so brave and peaceful through the many losses, and I know she is trying hard not to fear. Would you please pray for Beka and Mark today? My heart aches and prays that the Lord would bless them with a child.

***ETA (3:00pm)- She just returned from ultrasound, and all is well, heart beating strongly. You can read her words here...oh how amazing this God of ours...****

A note and a prayer...

I am off to celebrate my best friend's wedding this weekend, with a side trip home and all things family...I am still not caught up on email. I plan to get through it this weekend. Thank you so much for your patience!

On a heart level,
I found out this morning that Beka and Mark have lost their sweet baby. Please stop by and share your love and prayers with them as they take the next steps in this journey. I don't pretend to understand...I never do understand miscarriage, particularly when the babe is so very wanted. It is one of those things that I must hand my gracious God with unanswered questions, and weep with those who weep.

Whispering a prayer...

A dear friend has revealed her joy...please continue to pray for sweet Elise and the babe that grows within...

Deep in thought...

The Peas were notified this morning that Joey has been life flighted to the hospital...his kidneys are failing, and today is probably his last day with us. Please join us in prayer for the Gallacher family. If you are Pea, consider stopping by the Pub...we are holding a virtual candlelight vigil for the family and have changed our avatars and locations...just to let Jen and the Gallacher family that they are in our thoughts and prayers.
*********
I must confess that today and yesterday have been filled with much quiet thought about a lot of things. Some of you know some of the stresses I have been through, some of you don't. I look back through some of my posts, and it seems like I was complaining about the situations. I didn't mean it that way. If anything, I was trying to process through what I was going through. Trying to understand and figure out the emotions I was dealing with...it's just been a particularly rough year in many different arenas. I think we all have these types of "seasons"...I also know that it has been part of growing in myself...but I won't deny that at times, I have suffered from "growing pains".

One of the deepest pains for me within this last year has been the lack of community around us...we attend a local church, but have never quite "fit in"...which angers me to no end...church shouldn't be about "fitting in" or being "perfect enough"...I can't really describe my sadness at the current situation there.  We are currently beginning the search for a new church where we can be a part of.
I only mention this  in a public blog post because it makes me very very sad...and that has formed much of the last six months for me...when one considers that many of the sadnesses we dealt with this year were directly related to both our families (James' dad's stroke in August, and numerous sadnesses relating to my own family)- it wasn't as if we could turn to our family for support and prayer. We expected that our church would fulfill that role with prayer and support. I don't think that is misguided or wrong. For many reasons, it didn't happen. It left James and I both feeling very alone and saddened, because our problems weren't "tragic" enough or "politically correct"...it exposed a very fake side of our church...and it shook my faith to it's core.

Looking at it now...I can see that as always, GOD was there in the details. Had these unfortunate situations with the church not occurred, I wouldn't be where I am today in Him, in my faith, in my walk as a Christ-follower.  I can't even begin to describe the changes in my life over the last few months.  My faith finally seems real to me. This is a huge thing for me...I never felt this before, never felt the need to change my current life patterns, to really take "a leap of faith"...but God has become so real to me now that I wonder what it was like before.

I want to step out of the "fake-ness" of a shallow faith...and God has been leading me to some very scary places in that regard (Col. 3:17). I am getting uncomfortable...which I think is a very good thing. Nothing seems the same anymore, yet following Him is right. So very right, so very peaceful in a way. I never could understand the verse "His yoke is easy, and His burden is light." (Matt. 11:30) "Hello!?! God, do you live in the real world? If I follow you? If I truly love my neighbor as myself, if I try to live according to your truths...life doesn't get easier, it gets harder! I get unpopular, strange, an "ordinary radical"...an outcast. Yipes! Yoke is easy? Relationships get radically changed when the definition of priorities changes! This is hard, God, it hurts! Where is the whole burden is light thing?" But...here in lies the peace for me, the truth....God is guiding my steps. It is His will, not mine, and He is infinitely wiser that I am, thank goodness. This abiding peace has come to be within the last month or so...it is such a strange feeling. "Things" have gotten "worse"...but yet not...I am not carrying the burden anymore.

I share all of this because I feel the desperate need to...as if God's hand was resting on my shoulder whispering "Write this Dear One...because ______ reading it today is feeling lost and alone too. They need to know that I AM here. I AM Abba Father(John 3:16, Eph. 1:3). I AM the Way, the Truth, the Life(John 14:6)...My grace is sufficient for you(2 Cor. 12:9)...I will wipe away your tears(Rev. 1:4)" God is not a god of fake-ness, of "good enough", of half-measures. He loves you desperately. You are His, just as you are. He, and only He, can do the rest. His Son died for our sins, and granted us new life! How amazing this is, His grace! All we have to do is let go. And let Him in. What a very scary thing this is for us humans who want to be in control of everything...but it so much more. So amazing.  To be loved so passionately.

Holy Holy Holy God
Holy Holy Holy God
Creating
Commanding
Transcendent Adonai
Defending Love
Destroying Sin
The Warrior Divine
Holy Holy Holy God
Holy Holy Holy God
Forgiving
Redeeming
From Every Tribe and Tongue
Arising First
The Nail Scarred Lamb
Salvation's Champion
Holy Holy Holy God
Holy Holy Holy God
Romancing
Pursuing
Reclaiming to restore
Releasing hearts
Transforming Lives
The Lion's Might Roar

"Holy God" by Brian Doerkensen © 2006 Integrity's Hosanna Music and Shining Rose Songs.

A Quiet Storm...

***out of respect for my dear friends and their privacy, I won't name any names, except for the deceased, but wanted to share some prayer requests with you***

As many of you know, I live less than two hours from Virginia Tech. Many from my high school have attended there and have either recently graduated or are now pursuing their Master's degrees there...and it's been a very rough couple of days.

Lauren McCain was a friend of my family- She was a home schooler,  an amazing young woman, and a light for Christ. She will be desperately missed...

One of my friends from High School, a Master's student, was in Norris, and was shot through the leg- the bullets grazed his arms and his neck, but thankfully missed. His girlfriend had originally been told that he was deceased, but he has been upgraded from the ICU and is now stable...he faces surgery to repair a shattered ankle. He will never be able to run competitively again, and now faces the task of learning to walk all over again. Yet we are so happy that he is alive and will be able to recover and continue on.

However, many will not.

A family friend is an RA there at VT... and this has been an extremely hard week on a personal level and on a responsiblility level...Ryan "Stack" Clark and Kaitlin Hammerin were both close friends of hers, and the loss is palpable. Please keep her in your prayers and pray for peace and healing for here, and also strength, as she cares for the students in her charge.

Many of my friends have exhibited true grace under fire, showing class and dignity in the midst of great tragedy. Some were off campus, and are struggling with survivor's guilt. All are dealing with the immense sense of loss. Please pray for peace and healing for them all...and also that they would be allowed to grieve without being used by the media frenzy.

I find myself hugely angered by the idiocy of the media...their lack of respect for the deceased, as well as their lack of respect for the living and grieving...they are glorifying a terrible, twisted, young man who doesn't deserve two seconds of air time and then trying to point fingers anywhere but at the killer. It is hard to explain to someone who has never been in college or for whom it was lifetimes ago what we as students understand every time we step foot on a campus- we know that we are vulnerable. We always have been, smushed into classrooms and hanging out in the halls- it is the nature of the community. Different people, with different viewpoints, and learning to get along. We know that we are technically not "safe" but we go to school anyways!  I wish instead that the news  would spend lots of time focusing on the lives of these wonderful people who were lost, and the people at VT and their Hokie Spirit...that is the true story here. Their triumph in coming together as a diverse and large community in a time of unbelievable loss.

So pray for my friends and myself, as we process through this.  Pray for college students the nation over who are heading into finals with this storm hanging in their view...that VT will be able to heal and move on, and that the college community at large will be able to focus on the positive.